What Is Chiropractic Anyway?
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September 23, 2006
Issue #14: Plea Nerve Function
This issue is a plea for chiropractors to put down their rubber bands. The strangled, compressed, pinched and choked nerve has had its time. Why it even had a time to begin with befuddles me. This great profession wasn't founded on such a reductionist viewpoint and does little to raise consciousness as a whole.
The holism of chiropractic, I ask you? To be something close to holistic one would have to be intimate with every physical, structural, mental, emotional, spiritual, electromagnetic, psychosocial, psychoenvironmental and socioeconomic factor a person presents with and address each accordingly. And to be intimate, not even spending an entire day with that person would bring clarity to the supposed holism their being would require. The fact that healing occurs in spite of what you, as the practitioner, do or don't do, is a product of the inborn wisdom of the body, a reflection of universal wisdom, which is a principle embraced by many but practically applied by few when it comes to informing the general public of what it is we do. This is a plea to inspire me, please.
The founder prefaced The Chiropractor's Adjuster in 1910 with 'Life is the expression of tone', not: 'The lack of life expression is due to this rubber band around my finger'. But that was 96 years ago, Neil. Let it go. Oh I'm sorry, how old is the bible? Yet soil is still stained with blood 2,000 years on in religious feuds. Let it go. See, we're undergoing evolution. Why there's so much unrest in the world; why our institutions and traditions are crumbling is because... they're no longer relevant. As the late, great Bill Hicks put it: Perhaps it's time for us to create a new philosophy, and perhaps even a new religion. And that's okay, 'cause that's our right, 'cause we're free thinking children of God with minds that can imagine anything and... well... *coughs* 1... that's kind of our role.
I'll give you one reason to put down the rubber band. Hell, for anyone who ever adjusts cranial structures, I'll give you two. Firstly, the nerve system doesn't connect to every cell of the body as so many like to explain. Look at these images. Yeah, I know. It put a glitch in my matrix too when I first figured that out. The nerve system only accounts for roughly 3% of communication within the body, so if you're making it 100% of your message to the public, it's only 3% true. No, I lie. True nerve compression itself is only present in less than 10% of cases, therefore making your message less than 0.3% true. My bad. Secondly, which nerve runs through the sagittal suture again?
D.D. Palmer renamed God 'Universal Intelligence' because he said people weren't ready for it. Phrases like In His image, My body is a temple and I am the I Am made sense to me when I read what D.D. was saying, but even though people might still not be ready to embrace their Godlike qualities to full potential, there's no harm in creating new philosophies to explain chiropractic. I think the time is appropriate.
Recently I decided to take function to the masses and try my hand at relaying a different message. Just for sport. It's no fun when you keep secrets to yourself, ya know. I discovered people are ready - for understanding function at least. And it reaffirmed what I have always believed: That in the Information Age, the so-called layman knows more than you think. At first I was apprehensive, but my encounter with the public gave me hope; hope that the message from a natural healer can be repackaged into something contemporary and, hopefully, more than 0.3% true. A lot more.
To conclude, I would like to thank all the chiropractors, patients and friends, the world over, who play along and make writing these newsletters so worthwhile for me. In only 10 short issues, WICA collected 160 readers and continues to grow. I hope I get to meet all of you one day. And in the leitmotiv of function, I'd like to share a testimonial2.
Since I met Ruth a month ago, an 80 year-old ten pin bowling extraordinaire, I'd been drumming into her that she's going to start striking again (a strike is knocking all ten pins down with the first ball). She started bowling at age 70, and quickly became a local legend, acquiring a cabinet full of shiny trophies. However, until now, she hadn't got a strike for over three years. After four visits, Ruth handed me this little gem...
Recently I decided to take function to the masses and try my hand at relaying a different message. Just for sport. It's no fun when you keep secrets to yourself, ya know. I discovered people are ready - for understanding function at least. And it reaffirmed what I have always believed: That in the Information Age, the so-called layman knows more than you think. At first I was apprehensive, but my encounter with the public gave me hope; hope that the message from a natural healer can be repackaged into something contemporary and, hopefully, more than 0.3% true. A lot more.
To conclude, I would like to thank all the chiropractors, patients and friends, the world over, who play along and make writing these newsletters so worthwhile for me. In only 10 short issues, WICA collected 160 readers and continues to grow. I hope I get to meet all of you one day. And in the leitmotiv of function, I'd like to share a testimonial2.
Since I met Ruth a month ago, an 80 year-old ten pin bowling extraordinaire, I'd been drumming into her that she's going to start striking again (a strike is knocking all ten pins down with the first ball). She started bowling at age 70, and quickly became a local legend, acquiring a cabinet full of shiny trophies. However, until now, she hadn't got a strike for over three years. After four visits, Ruth handed me this little gem...
Notes
- Bill Hicks was a chain smoker and died of lung cancer.
- Permission granted from Ruth McLennan.
September 07, 2006
Issue #13: Joint Pain Zol
If these issues had individual titles, I'd call this one Beyond The Joint. Now even though the effects of marijuana somehow, miraculously, bring balance to the autonomic nervous system by increasing blood flow, lowering blood pressure, relieving the chemotherapy patient of nausea, restoring appetite to the anorexic, calming sympathetic overtones, all at the same time; even though Freud said that our actions are mechanically based on the programmes devised throughout our lives and conflicts are met with these distorted rationalisations; even understanding rationalisation and the accompanying emotion is merely a screen before the greater Self, awaiting the doors of perception to be opened to a higher state of consciousness, I am, in fact, referring to the joints of the body we all embrace so dearly. They seem important to you. So as always, let's talk about the important stuff, yeah?
I'll tell you why I don't like to touch people when explaining chiropractic. Firstly, it doesn't explain chiropractic. Secondly, you're hurting somewhere. C'mon, don't fib. You're hurting somewhere and you want me to fix it, right? I'm going to poke and prod, poke and prod until you scream, OHGODTHEREITIS! And now what have we achieved, huh? I know pain's important to you. It's important to me too. I scream ohgodthereitis occasionally too. Let me tell you, doctors don't always make the best patients.
I was trying my hand at diving once in the Western Cape, South Africa. Having had tremendous ear problems growing up as a wee boy, I had only just given up the very risqué ear plugs. My drums were delicate. Sitting on the rocky edge, flippers dangling in the water, a medical doctor reassured me. "Boy, the body has this amazing thing called pain. It'll tell what 'too deep' is." Makes sense, I shrug, and remove the box of aspirin from inside my wet suit and set it down beside me. Cocking my head to glance at the tablets, and understanding the term effervescent, I wondered how I was going to ingest them underwater anyway.
Poking where it hurts doesn't put you, nor I, in a position to explain what it is we're trying to achieve. I know you don't want to me to tell you pain is just a perception. That pain can be referred from somewhere else in the body. That pain is only experienced in your brain, hence why clouding the perception with pharmaceuticals is so effective. I know you don't want me to say that pain is a sign your body is trying to adapt. That you need to make a change. That this is the end-stage of adaptation. Next stage: Broke. I understand. Really. Unfortunately though, 90% of ailments today do not require Era-I medicine: Mechanical medicine, outlined by Dr. Larry Dossey, which was the modal of the 1850s when we didn't know any better, fixing people with drugs and surgery. Oh. Wait. We're still doing that. Hahaha. Era-II medicine of the 1950s is a little closer to home, adopting the mind/body interface. Then we move into Era-III, which includes all that mumbo-jumbo of the ability of consciousness to reach out beyond ourselves to make a difference in other people. There's no need to go there, else I'd have nothing to write about in the future. Actually, my impending career and life itself would be empty and meaningless. Nonetheless, let's stick with the exciting stuff for now like joint dysfunction - the inability to create a enough drag due to increased proximal paper pressure. Oh the zol jokes just keep on rolling. And there's another pun!
So if 90% of presentations to a doctor occur due to some manifestation of a mind/body interaction, what good would it do me to poke you in the back and agree with you: Ohgodthereitis. Um, in a word... no. Probably none. How the pain got there - wherever there is - and how I'm supposedly going to take it away is about as unknown, foreign, and inexplicable for me as it is to guess where you've been and what you've done for the past ten years before you walked into the office. You're just a big ole onion, mate. And we're pealing back the layers, one at a time. See, now you gone and made me cry. This is going to take some time to get over.
I'll tell you why I don't like to touch people when explaining chiropractic. Firstly, it doesn't explain chiropractic. Secondly, you're hurting somewhere. C'mon, don't fib. You're hurting somewhere and you want me to fix it, right? I'm going to poke and prod, poke and prod until you scream, OHGODTHEREITIS! And now what have we achieved, huh? I know pain's important to you. It's important to me too. I scream ohgodthereitis occasionally too. Let me tell you, doctors don't always make the best patients.
I was trying my hand at diving once in the Western Cape, South Africa. Having had tremendous ear problems growing up as a wee boy, I had only just given up the very risqué ear plugs. My drums were delicate. Sitting on the rocky edge, flippers dangling in the water, a medical doctor reassured me. "Boy, the body has this amazing thing called pain. It'll tell what 'too deep' is." Makes sense, I shrug, and remove the box of aspirin from inside my wet suit and set it down beside me. Cocking my head to glance at the tablets, and understanding the term effervescent, I wondered how I was going to ingest them underwater anyway.
Poking where it hurts doesn't put you, nor I, in a position to explain what it is we're trying to achieve. I know you don't want to me to tell you pain is just a perception. That pain can be referred from somewhere else in the body. That pain is only experienced in your brain, hence why clouding the perception with pharmaceuticals is so effective. I know you don't want me to say that pain is a sign your body is trying to adapt. That you need to make a change. That this is the end-stage of adaptation. Next stage: Broke. I understand. Really. Unfortunately though, 90% of ailments today do not require Era-I medicine: Mechanical medicine, outlined by Dr. Larry Dossey, which was the modal of the 1850s when we didn't know any better, fixing people with drugs and surgery. Oh. Wait. We're still doing that. Hahaha. Era-II medicine of the 1950s is a little closer to home, adopting the mind/body interface. Then we move into Era-III, which includes all that mumbo-jumbo of the ability of consciousness to reach out beyond ourselves to make a difference in other people. There's no need to go there, else I'd have nothing to write about in the future. Actually, my impending career and life itself would be empty and meaningless. Nonetheless, let's stick with the exciting stuff for now like joint dysfunction - the inability to create a enough drag due to increased proximal paper pressure. Oh the zol jokes just keep on rolling. And there's another pun!
So if 90% of presentations to a doctor occur due to some manifestation of a mind/body interaction, what good would it do me to poke you in the back and agree with you: Ohgodthereitis. Um, in a word... no. Probably none. How the pain got there - wherever there is - and how I'm supposedly going to take it away is about as unknown, foreign, and inexplicable for me as it is to guess where you've been and what you've done for the past ten years before you walked into the office. You're just a big ole onion, mate. And we're pealing back the layers, one at a time. See, now you gone and made me cry. This is going to take some time to get over.
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